Should Parents Watch the Show “Adolescence” with Their Teens?

---

By Andrea Hansell, Ph.D.

At recent social gatherings that include parents or grandparents of teens and preteens, I often hear people ask each other whether they’ve watched the Netflix mini-series “Adolescence” which aired earlier this spring. The next question is invariably, “Has your child/grandchild watched the show?”

     Anyone who has watched “Adolescence” can tell you that parents may well not know whether their child has watched it or not.  One of the takeaways of this riveting portrait of London teens and their families and communities is the extent to which most adults, including parents, teachers, and law enforcement, are unaware of the subculture of teen social media, a world which is freely shared on phones and computers in crowded school hallways and the privacy of kids’ bedrooms.  Even the rare teen without a cell phone has access to this subculture through friends and classmates, and is well versed in its rules, norms and slang codes.

     The four-part Netflix miniseries “Adolescence,” which was inspired by several real murder cases that took place in England, is about a thirteen-year-old boy named Jamie who is accused of stabbing a classmate, a girl named Katie, to death in a parking lot.  The first episode of the show, focused on Jamie’s arrest, initially leads the viewer to question how this innocent-seeming teen from a normal family background can possibly have committed the crime of which he is accused.  By the end of the first episode, however, we are shown conclusive evidence that Jamie did, in fact, brutally kill Katie.  The next three episodes examine the “why” of this horrific crime.

     The “why” is complicated.  In “Thirteen Reasons Why,” a controversial 2017-2020 Netflix show about adolescents which was also widely discussed by parents and educators, the bullied teenage girl who kills herself was shown to have been failed by self-absorbed parents and incompetent teachers and guidance counselors.  Jamie, in contrast, is shown in “Adolescence” to have a loving family, as well as teachers and school administrators who, though overworked and burned out, are generally well-meaning. 

     Like many adolescent boys, Jamie’s still-developing brain makes him vulnerable to extreme emotions and impulsive behavior.  The desire to be accepted by peers, and especially girls, is a crucial factor in his self-esteem. The events that set Jamie’s fatal tailspin in motion largely originate online.  Everything that happens in his and his peers’ lives is circulated and commented about on social media sites.  Jamie is bullied online by his schoolmates, including his eventual victim, Katie, who calls him an “incel,” an involuntary celibate. He turns to pornography and misogynistic web sites on the “manosphere” to find a belief system to bolster his self-image.

     There is no privacy in Jamie’s online world, and no fact-checking.  Even the murder is captured on closed circuit TV, and facts, rumors and conspiracy theories about it are spread on social media sites.  Though his peers seem to know about his every move, Jamie’s parents and teachers are completely unaware of the nature of his online life.  In a powerful scene, the police detective who investigates the murder is chastised by his own son, a classmate of Jamie’s, for his obliviousness to the social media sites on which coded bullying determines the social hierarchy of the school.  When Jamie’s developmental vulnerabilities and his toxic experience online collide, none of the adults in his life have a clue that he is in crisis.

      When “Adolescence” first came out in England, the Times of London called it “the TV drama that every parent should watch,” and Britain’s prime minister announced that he himself was watching it with his two teenaged children.  In my opinion, this was a good idea.  By talking together about the show, parents can learn more about what is happening in their teens’ online lives.  Parents can start by exploring their children’s reactions to Jamie’s story.  They can then use the show as a vehicle to ask about whether their kids have had similar experiences, what their ideas are for how to change things, and how the adults in their lives can best support them.

     The director of “Adolescence,” Jack Thorne, said in an interview that just as it takes a village to raise a child, it also takes a village to destroy a child.  He hoped to show in “Adolescence” how parents, the education system, and law enforcement all contributed, through their lack of knowledge and their passivity, to the tragic murder that occurs in the show.  “Listen to kids,” he advises his viewers. “They’re really vulnerable right now and they need you…Let kids talk.”